A Blue’s Clues with YuGiOh Nightmare
by Ryou is my Man
Summary: Yuugi, Ryou, Jounouchi and Anzu are stuck in Blue Clues land, the worst place in the world. Will Yuugi and company survive this hellhole??? Hints of Yaoi in future chapters! Read & Review!
1. Welcome to the Hellhole That Is Blue's C...

A Blue's Clues with Yu-Gi-Oh Nightmare  
  
Chapter 1: The Place of Insanity  
  
It was a normal day and Yuugi, Aziza, Seto, Zahra, Horus, Jounouchi, Anzu, Honda, Ryou, Bakura, Yami, Mai, Pegasus, Sugoroku, Mokuba, Inspector Haga, Otogi, Dinosaur, Para, Dox, Croquet, Johnny Steps, Malik, Isis and Bandit Keith were watching TV, Yuugi was flipping through the channels and he passed the channel that was showing "Blue's Clues".   
  
Everyone didn't like it knowing how most of the people on the show were crazy. But Seto shouted "Go back! There're doing a stupid contest, and I think we should watch it." Yuugi shrugged and turned it to channel 45. Joe was talking about the contest and was explaining the rules "We will choose a random city and then chose 4 random people to stay with us. Okay, let's get started, *grabs a folded sheet of paper out of pile* Domino City, Japan!"   
  
You could hear a shout of people yelling "NO!!!".   
  
But Yami said "Everyone listen to me...don't panic. It could be anyone in Domino City, we don't know if it's us."   
  
Joe grabbed four pieces of paper from a pile and said "Yuugi Motou!!"  
  
Well when he said that, Yami cracked and grabbed Yuugi's leg and started to scream "Please don't go Yuugi! Please! I'll miss you too much!"   
  
Joe continued "Anzu Mazaki!!!!!!!"   
  
"YAY!!!!!" Anzu shouted with joy while Yami shouted "They got Anzu too!!"   
  
Joe opened the next one and said "Ryou Bakura!!!!" Ryou had his mouth dropped and both Zahra and Bakura's mouths dropped to the floor and screamed at the top of their lungs "NOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!"   
  
Jounouchi looked at them and said "I don't know what your problem is, it's just a little kiddie show. *Grabs a pop* Besides they can't hurt us!"   
  
Joe then grabs the last one and opens it and says "Jounouchi Katsuya!!!"   
  
Jounouchi then spits out his pop and says "What?! They can't make me!"   
  
Then Yuugi, Anzu, Ryou, and Jounouchi disappear. But as there're disappearing you can hear "Nooooooooo!" From Jounouchi, Ryou and Yuugi, and "YIPPEE!!!!" From Anzu.  
  
(In Blue's Clues land)  
  
Then they suddenly appear on the TV screen. Everyone but Anzu looks around nervously and Yuugi asks "What on earth, is this place?"   
  
"Yuugi…I'm scared...." Jounouchi said nervously.   
  
"Hi! *making everyone jump* We're in Blue's Clues Land"   
  
"What the damn hel...." Ryou tries to stay but Joe butts in and says "Hello!"   
  
"Shut the fu...." Ryou says to Joe but interrupted by Joe who says instead "FUN!! Come on, let me show you around!"   
  
Joe grabs Jounouchi's hand and Jounouchi screams "Let go of me!! *Pulls his hand away from Joe and hides behind the big red chair* I'm scared of you!!!"   
  
"There's nothing to be afraid of!" Joe says smiling and holding his hand out, but Jounouchi just hisses at the hand and says "Liar!"   
  
"Don't worry, I know how you feel... *Helps Jounouchi up and whispers* He freaks me out too... Let's go and get this over with..." Ryou says quietly  
  
Joe starts showing the rooms off but no one is paying attention except for Anzu "Blah, blah, blah, blah..."   
  
"Blah, blah, blah!" Anzu replies happily to Joe, "It must be some kind of freaky language we never heard of..." Ryou replied while everyone except Anzu looked bored out of their minds.   
  
"Okay, we know that we need to find an exit, right? *Ryou and Jounouchi quietly and they nod their heads* Well, the way I see it, there is only one way…if we're gonna find an exit we have to do it quietly… *Others nod* *Suddenly gets loud* LET US OUT!! WE DON'T DESREVE THIS KIND OF TORTURE!!!!!!!" Yuugi tells everyone  
  
After about 2 hours of running and screaming about the hellhole they were in, the tour of the house was over…and still no exit.   
  
Anzu gave Joe a sad puppy face and asked "When do we have to leave?"   
  
Joe smiled and replied "Never!"  
  
After Jounouchi, Ryou, and Yuugi heard this their mouths dropped and then stood there for a minute in shock and then… "Nooooooooo!!!!!!!"   
  
Everyone screamed running around the house trying to find a way to get out, about 2 seconds later Yuugi broke down into a mental breakdown, he curled up into a ball and started shouting "I want my aibou, I want my aibou."   
  
Ryou saw this and muttered "Pathetic…"   
  
"Where are you going?" Jounouchi asked Ryou as he headed into a different room. "I'm going to take a shower…see if I can drown myself…" Ryou muttered as he went into the shower and came out two hours and said "No, such luck."   
  
"The showers are drown proof! You can never die in Blue's Clues land!" Joe said and Jounouchi said "Poor people…so stupid…yet so insane…I almost pity them *He says as he sees Anzu and Joe skipping around a tree and singing* Actually, I take that back…"   
  
After about three hours later Yuugi is convinced by Ryou and Jounouchi that in this crazy world they'll be able to get his aibou to suffer…erm…experience the pain he is going through. Blue "Woof!"  
  
"I really want to eat that dog right about now…"Ryou whispered   
  
"You know what Blue wants to do." Joe told them.   
  
"Die?" Yugi guessed.  
  
"No, she wants to play Blue's Clues! *Does the freaky hand sign signal* "   
  
"No! Not that! Anything but that!!" Jounouchi screams as he is being dragged off by Anzu and Joe. Then Jounouchi says "Ow! My side hurts!"   
  
Yuugi examines his side and says "I think it's your appendix."  
  
Jounouchi gasped and whispered to Ryou and Yuugi "If I'm gonna die, I don't want it to be HERE. *Says to Joe and Anzu Loudly* I was just kidding! Ow!"   
  
"It looks like it's going to have to be taken out. I'll call my doctor, Dr. Cantdoanythingright." Joe said smiling  
  
Jounouchi looked at Joe and said "Er…could I at least…uh…make something before I…how do I say this?…oh, die." Joe forces Jounouchi to lie down and rest.  
  
Blue puts a paw print on the screen and Ryou examines it "It's ugly and it's blue. You heard it here first, this place IS a place of insanity. I warn you, never come this freakish place, NEVER!!!!!! Next, is when Yuugi tries to eat his millennium item. More at 11. Back to you Ken."   
  
Joe says "Let's play Blue's Clues" Ryou, Jounouchi, and Yuugi stare as Joe does his Blue's Clues dance and Joe starts walking and the kids start saying "A clue! A clue!"   
  
"I like Anzu too!" Joe says  
  
Yuugi looks at him, the poor insane man and says "It's right there, you bitch!"   
  
Joe gasps at what Yuugi said and replies "You need a time out! You stay there for 4 seconds!" Yuugi sits in corner than leaves after 4 seconds. "Don't ever do that again!"  
  
"What?" Yuugi replies sarcastically   
  
"Say that word!" Joe says to him shaking as finger in front of his face but Ryou bites it "Ow!!! Oh, this W-I-L-L must be the first clue! I wonder what that is… oh, well, now for handy-dandy notebook!" Takes out the notebook, which looks like the chair Jounouchi was hiding behind earlier that day. Draws W-I-L-L in book.  
  
"Uh, can't you just remember it in your brain?" Bakura asks as he emerges from the ring.  
  
"NO! And who are you?" Joe asks.  
  
"I am the stealer of souls!…but you can call me Bakura. I'm here to tease you about your stupid show and you…but mostly you." Bakura says  
  
"Whatever!" Joe laughs and continues to walk while Yuugi is frantically trying to find an exit.   
  
"What are you looking for aibou." A mysterious person behind Yuugi says.  
  
"An exit to get out of this freakish place." He says to the mysterious man and turns around to reveal Yami "Oh, aibou! I missed you SO much!" He says as he gives his Yami a hug.  
  
Joe notices Yami and asks "What's your name?"  
  
"Why should I tell you?" Yami asks   
  
Joe looks at him puzzled and says "Because I want to be your friend!"  
  
Yami looks at him a little furious and starts to yell at Joe "Friends?! Friends?!?! I had friends, but YOU had to come and bring my aibou to this hellhole! YOU took my aibou away from his friends! YOU made him go INSANE! YOU MADE THIS PLACE OF TORTURE!!!!!"  
  
Joe looks at him innocently and asks stupidly "What's an aibou?"  
  
"WHAT'S AN AIBOU?! WHAT'S AN AIBOU?!!!!!!!!! It's an other! An other, you moron!!!!! You are an idiot! That dog is a idiot! *Blue barks happily thinking it must be some sort of compliment* This place, is a place of torture!" Yami yells at Joe at the top of his lungs.  
  
"Hmm…well, you know what that means…time to find more clues!" Joe says as he walks through the backyard.  
  
"A clue, a clue!" The kids scream  
  
"Oh, you see a clue? Where?" Joe asks the kids  
  
Ryou looks at the clue and it's a list of stuff that someone wants to give away. "It's a stupid list of what needs to be given away…" Ryou says as he crumples it up into a ball and throws it aside.   
  
"Okay, so our second clue is a list of things that need/want to be given away. Duh…….what was our first clue again? Oh, yeah a W-I-L-L…whatever that is….uh…what was our second clue?"   
  
Bakura looks at him and shakes his head and mutters "Pathetic. *Loudly* Uh…I don't know what about a list of things that need/want to be given away?"  
  
"No, no, I don't think so." Joe said a little stupid.  
  
"Okay….I saw you write the clue down…it was this right? *Uncrumples the ball and shows second clue to Joe, Joe nods * And it had a blue paw print on it, am I right? *Joe nods his head again* And if that's so, this must be the second clue, right?"  
  
"No, no I don't think so…" Joe says  
  
"Why you-! *Starts to strangle Joe* Stupid mortals! Can't do a damn thing right! Friggin' mortals! *Soon torn away from Joe by Yuugi and Yami and Bakura is strangling to break free from their grip* Stupid mortal! Let me go I need to break every bone in his body!"   
  
"Jooooe's stuuuuuuupid." Ryou says   
  
"Ahh…. Isn't that cute?" Anzu asks "He wants to make friends!" She says as she sees Bakura trying to bite Yami.  
  
While Joe is watching Bakura trying to kill Yami he notices another piece of paper that has a purple paw print…  
  
"Uh….isn't it supposed to be blue?" Ryou asked Joe  
  
"Oh, yeah… *puts blue color die on purple paw print and Ryou watches as it changes to blue* We found our last clue it's a piece of paper with Jounouchi's Signature on it! *Forces Jounouchi to sign the note book* We found all the clues! You know what that means…we need to sit in that chair! Okay so we have W-I-L-L, a list of things that need/want to be given away, and this signature. Now what does Jounouchi want to make?"  
  
Yami looks at him and says "Duh, a will?"  
  
"Yeah! We just figured out Blue's Clues! *Everyone watches as Anzu and Joe do their crazy Blue's Clues dance and they believe it's some crazy ritual dance*"  
  
Dr Cantdoanyhtingright did the surgery and only cut in the wrong places 5 times! After he got Jounouchi stitched up. (which took a long time…) Jounouchi finally got to come out of surgery, and he had a very tight grip on his bed.   
  
"Don't worry Jounouchi, you might be sore from the anesthesia…." Yami told Jounouchi and Dr. Cantdoanythingright said "Anesthesia? Oh, I didn't put any of that on! Oh, well."   
  
"What do you mean you didn't put any on!" Bakura said strangling Dr. Cantdoanythingright until he was blue. "Stupid doctor! Stupid place! Stupid friggin' worrrrrrrrrrrrld!!!!!!!!!!!"   
  
"It looks like someone needs a time out." Joe says to Bakura shoving into a corner and forcing him to sit down in a chair, but Bakura…well…he tries to kill the chair, and is successful.   
  
You could see the doctor scribbling in his diary and saying "Dear, diary. I finally got someone through surgery without dieing!"   
  
"I really didn't want to hear that…" Ryou said annoyed.   
  
"Well, I'm never going to the doctor, until we get out of this freaky world." Bakura pushes his face up to the screen and says "Anyone, get us out this place! They'll get you all! YOU HEAR ME? ALLLLLLLLL! MWHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!" Jounouchi was able to leave the hospital about 3 days later and everyone but Anzu and Joe were going insane.  
  
Want to know if they'll go crazy? Well you hafta find out!! 


	2. Jounouchi and Seto's Christmas Confessio...

Chapter 2: Jounouchi and Seto's Christmas Confession   
  
AN: This will be a Christmas special since it's getting close to Christmas. And I warn you, this is my FIRST yaoi fanfic, so if you have a problem with this you better leave. Because it WILL contain kissing and sex. And it WILL probably be done a lot by some of the gay characters. Now, I warn you one more time…if you can't handle it you need to leave…okay, now on to the story.  
  
~**~  
  
It was a normal day in the freaky world of Blue's Clues. It was getting near Christmas and people were starting to miss their friends. Let's take Bakura for example….Bakura always laid in a fetal position singing "I want Malik, I want Malik. Something something please deliver Malik…"   
  
He always did it in the meow mix song for some reason. Now Yami and Yuugi, they kissed like everyday at every hour, but were always interrupted by Joe for some reason. Yami tried to tell Joe that they just wanted to make out in peace, but noooooooo Joe just kept interrupting them.   
  
For Jounouchi…he had it the hardest…Jounouchi of all the people missed Seto the most, he had a feeling that he couldn't admit to any of his friends because they would laugh at him. Jounouchi liked Seto as a friend, or so we think…ok, Jounouchi loved Seto. Yes, Jounouchi LOVED the guy that called him a dog, he didn't mind that. Yeah sure, he made a couple of death threats to him, and beat him up a couple times in school and some other stuff. But that was just a mask that he wore so people wouldn't make fun of him. But all the times he did it, he did it out of love…now, Jounouchi really missed the guy making fun of him and laughing at him and all the good stuff…but no. He just had to be in this place of insanity. If only he come, even to visit.   
  
Jounouchi sighed and took out a picture of Seto out of his jacket pocket and stared at it. "Maybe if we're lucky we'll die…" Ryou said as he passed Jounouchi and asked "Whatcha looking at?" He asked Jounouchi..  
  
Jounouchi shoved the picture back into his pocket and told him "Nothing!"   
  
"You like Seto, don't ya?" Ryou told Jounouchi letting him know that he saw the picture.   
  
Jounouchi groaned and said "Now, you're probably going to fun of me, right?"   
  
"No! I understand…if you like Seto, there's no reason for me to hold you back. Just look at Yami and Yuugi. *Jounouchi and Ryou look at Yami and Yuugi as they were making out as Joe interrupted again. You could see Yami trying to throw his Millennium Puzzle at Joe but missed. Joe backed off and Yami picked up his puzzle and put it back around his neck and started to make out again.* Yeah, sure they make out *Loudly for Yami and Yuugi to hear* EVERYDAY *Yami gives an evil glare to Ryou and starts making out with Yuugi again. Then Ryou's voice goes back to normal* but that's their freakish nature. Don't worry, I won't tell anybody."   
  
"Come, on everybody I have a special surprise you!" Joe says to everyone and they slowly drag themselves into the living room while Anzu skipped happily into the living room and sat down on the couch. "Today we are going to do something special today!"   
  
"We're going back home!" Bakura said hopefully to get out of this stupid place.   
  
"No! We're going to invite some people to stay with us. I know that you miss your friends, so the original four people get to choose one person to come stay with us. One per person."   
  
"I choose Zahra!" Ryou screamed, "No. Malik, I miss him so much!!!!!!!" But then Zahra appears next to Ryou. "Huh? *Notices Zahra* Why you little-! *Starts to strangle Ryou* Damn you mortals! FUCK YOU RYOU! YOU KNEW I WANTED MALIK TO COME!!!!!!! DAMN YOU MORTALS! DAMN YOU, YOU GAY PHAROH!!!" Bakura goes on with his little tizzy fit.   
  
"Okay, now Yuugi, who do you choose?"   
  
"Well, I choose Malik." Malik appears in the room and Bakura jumps on him and starts to make out with him.   
  
"I'm glad that's over…" Ryou said to Yami under his breath and Bakura stopped to beat up Ryou "Okay! Okay, I'm sorry!" Bakura goes back to he was previously doing.   
  
"Who do you choose Anzu?" Joe asks Anzu and she responds "Aziza!!" Aziza appears and frantically tries to find an exit.   
  
"There is no exit." Yuugi tells Aziza who is looking extremely disappointed, and Joe goes over to Jounouchi and says "What about you Jounouchi?"   
  
"I choose Seto!…er…to make him suffer." Seto appears next to Jounouchi and Jounouchi hugs him. Seto also loves Jounouchi but didn't want to admit it because like Jounouchi people would make fun of him…so he kept it a secret from Jounouchi.   
  
"Hey, what should we get our friends for Christmas?" Joe asked the kids.   
  
Then all the sudden Blue comes out from no where and puts a paw print on the screen.   
  
"Let's play Blue's Clues *Does Freaky Hand Signal* to figure out what we should get our friends for Christmas! Let's get our handy-dandy notebook." Joe says as he walks to Side Table Drawer but she says "Sorry, Joe but I don't have your notebook…"   
  
"Uh……it's in your pocket, you stupid head." Seto tells Joe.   
  
"So to play Blue's Clues we need to find…." Joe says ignoring him.  
  
"A paw print!" The kids say.   
  
"That's right and that's the first…"   
  
"Clue!" Kids scream while Joe, Anzu and Blue do their crazy dance.   
  
"We're never gonna make it out of here, are we?" Seto asks Jounouchi   
  
"No." Jounouchi responds. Jounouchi and Seto watch the rest of their crazy dance.   
  
"Okay, now we need to go get our tree!" Joe says to everyone.   
  
"Yay!!!!!!!" Anzu says happily while everyone else says in a bored tone of voice "Yay."   
  
Everyone leaves the house following Joe and Anzu who at the front skipping next to Blue. After a while they reach the tree farm and start to look for a tree.   
  
"I think it should be this one. *Malik points to the tallest one he can find, which is about 10 feet tall.* It's tall enough." Malik says hopefully.   
  
"You know that it would take forever to water and decorate it." Bakura tells Malik who is giving Bakura a sad puppy dog face.   
  
"I know this may be hard for you to understand Malik, so I'll say it slowly. Nooooo." Yuugi tells Malik and everyone heads to a tree which is full and is about 6 feet tall.   
  
"We'll take this one!" Joe pays for the tree and forces Jounouchi, Seto, and Bakura carry the tree home. On the way home you could hear Bakura muttering about mortals and how their brains were the size of a grain of rice that has been stepped on. After putting the tree up they had to go to the grocery store.   
  
"And WHY couldn't we have done that before we got the tree?" Seto yelled at Joe.   
  
"Hmm…I really don't know why…." Joe said to Seto.   
  
"You see, that's the problem, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!!!" Seto yelled at the top of his lungs.   
  
"Okay, now let's go to the grocery store!!!" Steve shouted.   
  
"Hey, it's my brother Steve. He's like me." Joe told everyone.   
  
Jounouchi looked at him and asked "Insane?"   
  
"Yeah!!!!" Joe responded, Blue barked happily at Steve and Steve petted the dog and said "Hi, Blue! So who are all these people?" Steve asked looking everyone.   
  
"Well, this is Yami and Yuugi." Joe says pointing to Yuugi and Yami says insanely "We're gonna die! We're all gonna die! MWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!"   
  
Joe continues and says "This is Ryou and Bakura." Points to Ryou then Bakura. "This is Aziza and Zahra." Points to Aziza then Zahra.   
  
"*You can hear the twilight zone theme being played in the background.* This is a world that we've never seen before. The Blue Clue's Zone….." Aziza said to the screen.   
  
"And this is Malik, and Anzu." Points to Malik then Anzu, Anzu shakes his hand violently and says "I've always wanted to meet you!"   
  
"Uh, thanks!" Steve responded to Anzu happily.   
  
"And finally, this is Jounouchi and Seto." Points to Jounouchi then Seto.   
  
"Greaaaat, another crazy person to deal with." Jounouchi said to Seto as Seto nodded and said "I have to agree with you on that…they're so crazy, so insane, so-so-"   
  
"Stupid?" Jounouchi said trying to fill in Seto's blank.   
  
"Yeah. That." Seto said to Jounouchi as everyone headed off to the store, when they got there the first thing that Malik did was grab a cart and filled up the cart with cleaning supplies. "I'll keep an eye on him." Bakura said running after Malik.   
  
"A clue! A clue!" The kids screamed at Joe and Steve.   
  
"What's that you see a clue?" Joe and Steve say together, but before they find the clue Malik runs up to the clue, sprays Windex on it and wipes it off.   
  
"There's no clue…" Joe said a little disappointed, and Blue puts it back on but Malik wipes it off. Again.   
  
"Malik, no! You can clean at home." Bakura told Malik.   
  
"But it's so messy!" Malik whined   
  
"No. Come on, *grabs Malik and takes him away from the clue* let's find you some more cleaning supplies…" Malik tries to wipe it off again but is dragged away by Bakura.   
  
"Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!!" Malik screamed breaking away from his grip and wiping off the clue again, "Must, clean!!!!" Malik screamed at the top of his lungs, Bakura and Yami grab a hold of him and lead him down to the cleaning aisle and Blue puts the paw print on.   
  
"Look it's a clue! *Joe and Steve examine the clue* It's a bag of dog food. So let's put it in our handy-dandy *Steve and Joe together* Notebook! *Both take out their notebooks and draw the bag of dog food*"   
  
"Okay, so what does Blue want to get our friends for Christmas? Well, we still need two more clues." All, the sudden Malik came out of the cleaning supply aisle and he was holding a pooper scooper and it had a paw print on it.   
  
"There's another clue! So we need our handy-dandy *Steve and Joe together* notebook!. *Steve and Joe take out their notebooks and draw the pooper scooper.* Okay, now we need one more clue."   
  
Afterwards they paid for what they needed including all of Malik's cleaning supplies. Then they headed home and had some lemonade after decorating the tree, Steve spilled his cup of lemonade and we know Malik.   
  
He grabbed his Clorox and a bucket of water and was about ready to clean it up when "Wait! It's a clue!" Anzu screamed to Joe and Steve, so Bakura made out with Malik until Joe took out his notebook and drew the clue.   
  
When Bakura released him he ran over to the stain and started to scrub like heck.   
  
"Okay, so now we need to sit in our…"   
  
"Thinking chair!" The kids screamed to Joe as Joe sat down in the chair.   
  
"So, we have three clues. A bag of dog food, a pooper scooper and spots. So what should we get our friends for Christmas?"   
  
"A puppy!" The kids shouted.   
  
"Yeah! We've just figured out Blue's Clues. *Joe finishes doing freaky Blue's Clues dance and says* I've got a surprise for everyone! *Everyone slowly goes into the living room except Malik, who was working on getting the stain out from the carpet and had to be dragged to the living room by Bakura* I'm going to get a puppy for each of you!" Joe said happily as everyone headed to the pet store.   
  
Jounouchi looked at Seto and blushed and said "I kinda sorta…."   
  
Seto tried to figure out what he was saying and tried to fill the blank for him "Love me? *Jounouchi nodded* I feel the same way…"   
  
"Really? But all the times-"   
  
"Mask." Seto told Jounouchi knowing what he was going to say.   
  
"We should share a dog." Jounouchi told Seto and he agreed with him.   
  
So, when they got to the pet store Yami and Yuugi started to look at the dogs and Yami picked up a yellow colored dog and they decided to share the dog and called him Gold.   
  
Now, Bakura and Malik looked at the dogs and saw one that was strangely Windex colored. They shared the dog and called him Windex.   
  
And Ryou and Zahra looked at the dogs and picked up copper colored dog and called her Copper.   
  
Now they didn't let Anzu have one for the obvious reason.   
  
Now Aziza got a silver colored dog but promised that she wouldn't name him until Otogi came.   
  
When everyone got home Jounouchi and Seto stood in the middle of the doorway and there was some mistletoe, Jounouchi and Seto shared a passionate kiss and then went inside and started to eat gingerbread cookies.   
  
Later, when Christmas came it was a wonderful time. Malik got Windex and sex from Bakura. Yami got a new chain that was stronger than his old one. And Jounouchi and Seto got what they wanted most of all to love each other and care for each other. But the most special gift was that they didn't have to play that annoying game that day. After opening all the presents the had a nice big dinner that contained: Turkey, gravy, rice, mashed potatoes, beans, peas, corn and more. There was so much that everyone had seconds. Malik had a fun time, he killed the turkey (which he usually didn't get to do, but hey, it's Christmas so, Steve let him do it.) They had a wonderful night, Seto and Joey were happy and no one teased them. And that made them really happy. 


	3. Malik Is Pushed to the Brink of Insanity...

It was a normal day and it was December thirty first. The tree was taken out of the house and everyone got out of their beds and saw the layers of snow outside. Malik was busy trying to clean up the pine needles from taking out the tree yesterday. Bakura told him not to worry about it and that Joe would get it. But that morning Bakura woke up to see Malik vacuuming away with Windex trying to eat the pine needles but Bakura did the Heimlich on the poor dog.   
  
"Malik!!!!!! Knock it off!! You know I need you to stay in the bed until 6 A.M.!!! Remember what the doctor said. He said that you need more sleep and NOT to spend half the night cleaning!" Bakura yelled at Malik forcing him to lie down on the bed   
  
"But I didn't spend half the night cleaning."   
  
"Yeah, riiiiiiiight." Bakura said to Malik.   
  
"Honestly I didn't! *Bakura glares at him* *quietly but loud enough for Bakura to hear* I only spent the whole night cleaning."   
  
"What?!?! You know I need my sex!" Bakura yelled at Malik but Malik whined "But it's so messy. And I can't sleep with something messy in the house."   
  
Bakura ignores him and hands him a pill and says "Put this in your mouth and drink this."   
  
Malik takes the pill and drinks the water and falls over.   
  
"Wh-what have you done to him?!" Yuugi yelled at Bakura   
  
"I gave him a nap. He took a sleeping pill. Now for those pine needles…*Starts to set fire to Pine needles* MWAHAHAHAHHA!!! MWAHAHHAHAHA!!"   
  
"Now, Bakura we don't do that. Just for special reasons." Yuugi told Bakura. "We need to do something to pass the time! Let's play a game." Joe said to everyone.  
  
Blue puts a paw print on the screen. "Let's play Blue's Clues to find out what game to pass the time!" Joe says dancing with Steve and Anzu. You could hear "Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!! From everyone else (except Malik).   
  
After their dance Joe headed into the dining room and started to set the table for breakfast with the help of Jounouchi and Seto. They put all the silverware on the table. And then when it came time to eat. Malik was waken up by Bakura and was allowed to come out of bed as long as he DIDN'T try to clean anything that day. Malik hesitated, but in the end promised. Everyone gathered up to the table and ate breakfast, the table consisted of: Joe, Steve, Anzu, Zahra, Aziza, Bakura, Ryou, Malik, Yuugi, Yami, Jounouchi and Seto.   
  
After breakfast Joe and Yuugi started to clean off the table when "A clue! A clue!" The kids shouted at Joe. "What's that? You see a clue? Where? *Sees a paw print on a knife and says* Oh, it's a knife. So, what game does Blue want to play with a knife? Hmm. Well, we still have to find two more clues."   
  
Everyone goes outside and plays in the snow, except for Malik who is trying to break away from Bakura's grasp to go wash something. Malik was going insane, he couldn't wash or clean anything for the whole day. They went outside and Seto and Jounouchi were making a snowman and when they finished they made out together, while Yami and Yuugi just made out while Joe and Steve constantly threw snow balls at them.   
  
After about 5 minutes they stopped because Yami was trying to strangle them to death Steve in his right hand and Joe in his left, luckily Yuugi convinced Yami to put them down. Knowing Yami, he threw them down. Now, Ryou and Zahra, well they made snow angels. Now, for Bakura and Malik it was hard.   
  
Bakura was watching Malik frantically spray Windex on the snow and wiping it. "Oh, god. He's gone insane. *Helps Malik up and takes away his Windex* Come on, no more cleaning for you." Malik tried to grab his Windex, but it flew over his head being dangled by Bakura. And he wasn't going to let him have it.   
  
Later everyone went in to watch TV but Anzu bumped into to it and knocked it over. Joe said it wasn't broken that much and he just had to tighten a screw. So, everyone was strangling Anzu except for Steve and Joe, and everyone dropped Anzu as she sat one the floor and said "Whee! AGAIN, AGAIN!"   
  
Steve went out and grabbed the wrench, "A clue! A clue!" The kids shouted at Steve. "I like Malik too." Steve replied to them.   
  
"No, you idiot a clue!" The kids said to Steve a little annoyed.   
  
"Oh! You see a clue? Where?" Steve asked the kids and then he turned to the wrench and said "Oh, this wrench is a clue! We need to put it in our handy-dandy -"   
  
"Notebook!" The kids shouted in reply.   
  
"Okay, so our second clue is a wrench. What's was our second clue again?" Steve asked the kids and Malik comes in and starts to clean the car.   
  
You can hear Bakura yelling across the house "WHERE IS THAT CLEANING FREAK?!!?!??! *Goes into the garage to see Malik washing the car. He pours water over the car and says* THAT'S IT! YOU ARE GOING TO TAKE A SLEEPING PIL AND TAKE A NAP RIGHT NOW!"   
  
"But I don't wanna!" Malik says back to Bakura almost falling over from his lack of sleep.   
  
"Oh, yes YOU ARE! You can barely stand up! *Bakura helps Malik up and he falls over* See? Now, come on. Let's get you some sleeping pills and water." Bakura says dragging a whimpering Malik behind him.   
  
"Oh, yeah our first clue is a knife. So what game does Blue want to play with a knife and a wrench? *Takes out notebook and draws clue* Hmm…well we still have to find the last clue."   
  
Later that night the power went out. "Oh, great. No power." Yami said thinking things were just horrible. Steve and Anzu helped set the table for dinner and there was a clue on the candlestick holder.   
  
"Look, look, a clue!" The kids shouted to Steve, and Steve said "Oh, you see a clue, where? Oh, there's a clue on this candlestick holder. *Takes out notebook and draws candlestick holder* Now we need to sit in the big red chair!"   
  
"Uh…thinking chair?" Jounouchi said trying to fill in Steve's blank   
  
"Yeah!" Steve said   
  
"Idiot." Jounouchi muttered.   
  
Steve heads to the Thinking Chair "So, what does Blue think we should play with a knife, a wrench and a candlestick holder. So, does Blue want to play Go Fish? *Blue barks no* Hmm… maybe she doesn't want to play a game…"   
  
"About kill the insane people of Blue's Clues?" Bakura guessed  
  
"That would be fun…" Joe says to Bakura and Blue holds up a sign that says "Clue! You idiots!"   
  
Now Bakura notices the sign and says "What about Clue?"   
  
"Yeah! We just figured out Blue's Clues" Joe says as he gets up and knocks down Bakura by accident even though Bakura thinks it's on purpose.   
  
Later after everyone has a candle light dinner, including Malik. They played a game of Clue. It was tag team. Miss Scarlet: Ryou and Zahra, Mrs. White: Bakura and Malik of course, Miss Peacock: Yami and Yuugi, Colonel Mustard: Aziza and Anzu, poor Aziza, Mr. Plum: Steve and Joe, and Mr. Green: Jounouchi and Seto.   
  
Bakura constantly tried to knock people with the weapons when he made suspicions. Malik was busy trying to clean the people and the weapons. Bakura hated to take the secret passage ways at the end it was Mr. Plum and everyone was shocked because they couldn't imagine Steve and Joe doing something like that. They gasped when someone said a cuss word. But it was just a game. It was about midnight when the game ended.   
  
Everyone got ready for bed and headed into their beds. The following people that share a bed: Joe and Steve (Not Gay), Yami and Yuugi (Gay), Seto and Jounouchi (Gay), Ryou and Zahra, (Not gay), Malik and Bakura (Gay), and Anzu and Aziza, (Anzu plans to move out when Otogi arrives). Malik barely made it a day without cleaning and cleaned like hell the next day. Everyone had such a good day and slept well knowing that Joe promised him they must sleep in till 9 A.M. (Yes, that includes Malik and Bakura made sure he fell asleep) And they wouldn't have to deal with Blue's Clues the next day. 


	4. Can Bakura Resist Malik's Sexual TurnOns...

Chapter: A Freaky Yu-Gi-Oh Valentine's Day  
  
It was a normal day in the freaky land of Blue's Clues. People were just waking up, Bakura was one……okay the last one. So, the alarm clock woke up Bakura. Being Bakura, he hit the alarm clock with the direction pointers on his Millennium Ring, but it still rang at him. He grabbed the heaviest thing he could find, a dresser. He picked it up and hurled it at the ringing alarm clock. It stopped.   
  
"Finally." Bakura muttered, but then he heard a ringing sound again, the alarm clock was STILL ringing. He threw everything that he could find in the bedroom at the alarm clock: Beds, pillows, Joe, books, the Millennium Puzzle that was left on a counter, a TV, the Thinking Chair, Joe again, and Yami, who strangled him after he was thrown. But the alarm clock still rang.   
  
'It's mocking me! A friggin' alarm clock is mocking at me and probably laughing at me!!!' Bakura thought as he saw the alarm clock still ringing. He banished it to the shadow realm and a broken up alarm clock that read 9:30 laid on the floor in 100 pieces.   
  
Bakura looked at the clock and said "I told you not to test me…" Bakura mumbled and headed to the bathroom and started taking his daily shower. He dried himself when he was done and the door bell rang. He opened the door and there was a man with about 10 boxes of chocolates, 100 dozen roses and Millennium Items made out of chocolate and wrapped in gold foil.   
  
"What-the-hell-do-you-want?" Bakura growled at the man.  
  
"I'm bringing these gifts-" But before the man could finish Bakura slammed the door in his face.   
  
"Er….Bakura?" Malik asked as he tapped Bakura's shoulder   
  
"What?!" Bakura snapped.   
  
"Uh……..those were f-for you." Malik said, letting him know that the man that he slammed the door at was the delivery boy.   
  
"OH." Bakura opened the door and yanked all the candy and flowers out of his hands and said before he left "Never come back here again…….unless you have to." he slammed the door in his face and started to examine the flowers "Here Yami, these are for you from Yuugi *Bakura obviously noticed the sign that said to Bakura from Malik. But knowing how Malik forgot he was allergic to roses, so he gave them to Yami.* You thinking what I'm thinking?"   
  
"Uh……no?" Malik whimpered to Bakura that had that look in his eyes before they had sex.   
  
"I think that since we have all this chocolate and there is some caramel syrup in the pantry. And I was thinking that it would be a shame if this all this candy went to waste. So maybe we-" Bakura said sweetly and quietly to Malik.   
  
"No." Malik said to Bakura quickly.   
  
"But-" Bakura tried to say to Malik.  
  
"No. Not till tonight. You know what happened the last time we did it during the day. Joe, Steve and Anzu tried to get in the bed, thinking that it was a sleepover."   
  
"But they can't help it if they're insane..…and stupid…..and should be in the nut house.….or hell…..or the shadow realm…..or-"   
  
"Okay, okay I get the point!! But not till tonight."  
  
Bakura and Malik headed into the dining room, everyone was sitting at the table about ready to eat. Bakura and Malik took a seat and Steve and Joe came in the dining room, putting the meals down in front of people and sat down. Bakura stared at his breakfast. Oatmeal. Bakura hated oatmeal. It was so sickening. The taste of it just wanted to make him puke all the oatmeal out. He simply despised oatmeal.  
  
He kept staring at it. Then he noticed that there was more evil lurking in the oatmeal. A banana was the mouth and two slightly cut pieces of banana were the eyes. It was smiling at him. Smiling. It was smiling at one of the cruelest men on earth.   
  
Bakura picked up the mouth and took a bite big enough to make there only be half. "You're not smiling no more are you? ARE YOU?!?!!?" Bakura yelled at his oatmeal, everyone, except Steve, Joe, and Anzu found this quite normal because Bakura yelled at everyone (except Malik on special occasions) and sometimes things….so, it didn't bother him that everyone at the table was looking at him.   
  
He went back to eating shoving that horrible oatmeal flavor down his throat. At first, he thought he might be sick for three reasons. One: Yami and Yuugi were feeding each other Two: Joe, Steve and Anzu were eating like pigs. Three: He wanted to Malik to get in the damn bed somehow.   
  
He watched the way Malik put his oatmeal in his mouth carefully, freaking out, if even one drop landed on the twenty-some napkins that were surrounding him. Bakura was going crazy. Anything and everything Malik did made him want to have sex. Even watching Malik place the food in his mouth, aroused his sexual desires, and started moaning in sexual pleasure at the table then... "WHY ARE YOU TORTURING ME?!!?!?!"  
  
Malik stopped his "sexual turn-on" of eating oatmeal and looked at Bakura innocently and confused while everyone else did the same and Malik said "Huh? Didya say something Bakura?"   
  
"Oh, noooooooo Malik. There is just someone making moaning noises WHEN I WANTED TO MAKE PASSIONATE LOVE, BUT NOOOOOO *Points to Malik* YOU SAID THAT WE COULDN'T DO IT DURING THE DAY BECAUSE OF A CERTAIN INCIDENT!!!!!" Bakura shoots a deadly look at Joe, Steve and Anzu, and Malik said "It's alright Bakura. *Pats him on the back* It's alright. Now, finish off your oatmeal before Steve gets to it."   
  
Bakura ate the rest of his breakfast and no one dared to ask what just happened. After breakfast Joe, Steve and Anzu did the dishes and then IT happened. The thing they dreaded the most. Steve, Joe and Anzu wanted to play the game they all hated…..Blue's Clues………Blue put a paw print on the screen and everyone looked at it and then they looked at each other. It was that game. The game that made them go insane.   
  
Blue's Clues……..obviously how everyone but Joe, Steve and Anzu thought that Blue's Clues was a game from hell and was meant to drive everyone crazy or to the verge of insanity. Everyone tried to run for it but, Joe, Anzu, and Steve grabbed them and dragged them away. They were trying to figure out what Blue wanted to give Joe for Valentine's Day.   
  
Bakura didn't understand how a dog could do anything from: poop, pee, eat, sleep, and lick your face after drinking out of the toilet. Malik, being the cleaning freak that he is, obviously taught his dog, Windex, not to do that. Windex belonged to both Bakura and Malik. Malik tried to train it to clean up after itself and clean after others….basically anything dealing with cleaning. While Bakura on the other hand tried to make Windex evil by trying to train him to bite people (mostly Joe, Steve and Anzu), steal things, growl at people, and chase people he didn't like.  
  
Everyone started walking around the rooms and Bakura noticed a paw print on a piece of paper. He looked at the piece of paper and shouted "A clue! Joe, Steve, I found a clue!" Bakura waved the piece of paper with the clue on it at Joe, Steve and Anzu.   
  
They rushed over and Steve grabbed it out of Bakura's hand and Steve said "Now what do we need?"   
  
"Notebook" The kids shouted back   
  
"That's right! Our handy-dandy Notebook!" Joe and Steve said together each pulling out their own notebook and drew the piece of paper and went to go look for the second clue.   
  
Now, Bakura didn't do things like that very often he usually wasn't very nice. He was usually very mean and cruel. He would yell at people, bite people, yell some more, and sometimes hit Joe, Steve or Anzu with something. But since he wanted to get this game over with he helped out. But Joe didn't notice the paper cut Bakura gave him.   
  
Then it was time for mail. Joe, Steve and Anzu did a different freaky dance from the first and the freakish talking mail box came in. He started to talk and talk and talk.   
  
"Just give him the friggin' letter!!!" Bakura snapped at the mail box and yanked out the letter.   
  
Joe opened the letter and said "It's a letter from a fan!" in the letter was a picture of Bandit Keith.   
  
"Here's what I think of your program!! *flips them off and from the sound of his voice he sounded drunk, but he knew what he was saying* Your program is a piece of fucking shit, not even fucking two-year-olds wouldn't watch this piece of fucking shit! That dog is the most annoying fucking bitch in the world and a piece of friggin' shit would do better than that fucking bitch! This program is the biggest piece of fucking shit in the world! You are all assholes for having those fucking bitches and fucking bastards on the air!"   
  
You could hear a voice from somewhere that was saying "Too many words! I can't bleep them all! I CAN'T BLEEP OUT ALL THE *#&$@&^#ing WORDS!!!!" The editor curls up into a fetal position and starts to cry.   
  
Steve closes the letter and puts it away and says "I think he likes this program!" Joe and Anzu nod in agreement and start looking for the second clue.   
  
After a while Zahra sees a blue and a Windex-colored paw print on some chewed up crayons lying on a picture of Steve, Joe and Anzu dying and Windex was biting them, while the crayons had bite marks.   
  
"Windex! Get over here!" You could hear Bakura shout, the Windex-colored dog came in all sad knowing he was in trouble. "Look! Look what you did! *Windex whimpers* It's alright, just go for the crazy ones next time."  
  
Zahra rolls her eyes and Yami walks by and says "Psychopath."   
  
"Say that to my face you ancient prune!!!!" Bakura yells at Yami and they start to beat the crap out each other screaming, yelling and cussing.   
  
"Hey, it's our second clue! Crayons! We need our handy-dandy notebook!" Joe says and takes out his notebook while Yami and Bakura are still fighting but are bumping into Joe and got the following trapped in the middle: Zahra, Aziza, Ryou, Yuugi, Seto, Jounouchi, Steve and Anzu.   
  
"We need one more clue!" Anzu says sticking her head out of the fight while Bakura is trying to stab Yami in the eye with his Millennium Puzzle.  
  
They keep looking around while Bakura and Yami continued their fight. After a while Anzu stops a picks up a pad of stickers that have a blue paw print on them. "Joe! Steve! I found a clue!"   
  
Joe and Steve rush over to Anzu and take the pad of stickers out of her hand and say "We need our handy-dandy …."   
  
"Notebook!" The kids shout   
  
"That's right! Our handy-dandy notebook!" They both take out their notebooks and draws the pad of stickers.   
  
"We found our last clue! Now, to sit in our big red chair!" Joe said and Yami passes and says "The Thinking Chair?"   
  
"Yeah!" Joe says while he heads over to the Thinking Chair while Bakura comes over and starts beating Yami up again. "Okay, so what does Blue want to give me with a piece of paper, a crayon, and a pad of stickers? What about a TV?"   
  
"No!" The kids shout at Joe   
  
"No, I think it's a TV."   
  
Yuugi comes up behind him and smacks him against the head. "No, it's a card! Now get the friggin' show over!"   
  
"A card! We just figured out Blue's Clues!" Joe, Steve and Anzu do their crazy dance while Malik cleans the house, Yami and Bakura fight, Yuugi, Aziza, Zahra, Seto, Jounouchi and Ryou watch them do the dance.   
  
Blue gives the card to Joe with sloppy handwriting and the whole front cover is covered in stickers. Bakura didn't know that dogs could write, but he did know it was almost time to go to bed, after dinner everyone got ready for bed and Bakura got what he was waiting for all day. 


	5. Pinching, Pinching and More Pinching! It...

It was a normal day in the freakish land of Blue's Clues and Seto just woke up and took his daily shower and got dressed. He looked at the clock that read 4:30 A.M., and then he turned around to see Jounouchi. Now, as everyone knows Jounouchi is one of the people that tries to get as much sleep as he can….or so they think. Jounouchi was wide awake and looking at Seto and said "You better wear green today. By, the way your breakfast is on the table."   
  
Seto glanced at the table thinking that Jounouchi was playing some cruel joke. But right at Seto's spot was a plate with bacon, eggs and hash browns. Seto blushed at Jounouchi and Jounouchi blushed back and gave Seto a kiss on the cheek and then Seto remembered what Jounouchi said.   
  
'Wear green' Seto thought about as he sat down to his breakfast.   
  
"Why should I wear green?" Seto asked Jounouchi who was busy making pancakes, bacon, eggs, and hashbrowns for the others, Jounouchi was wearing a Forest Green sweater and turned around and said "It's another one of those holidays, St. Patrick's Day. If you don't wear green you get pinched. What a stupid holiday. *Throws a green sweater at Seto* Here, put this on. You'll need it before THEY wake up."   
  
Seto put on the sweater, he knew what he meant, Joe, Steve and Anzu did all they could to torture everyone, they were insane people that loved Blue's Clues, didn't like to cuss, and too friendly, caring and nice. He started eating his breakfast, then, after that, started to read, because there was none of his business work to take care of so that was out. Jounouchi sat down on the couch and silently and began to read the newspaper.   
  
"Why did you wake up so early?" Seto asked Jounouchi a little curious, every morning when he woke there was always breakfast at his spot. But he never saw him make the food. "I'm used to it. I did it every day before my mom and dad got divorced, they would always fight. So, me and Shizuka got stuck with the majority of the chores. Since everyone is eating and Malik is going to do the dishes and clean the house later I thought I would read today."  
  
They went back to their reading, while Seto glanced at Jounouchi 'Man, he's hot!' He thought Jounouchi looked at him a little confused and wondered what he was thinking, then Seto grabbed and started to make out passionately.   
  
Then Joe came in the room and said "I wonder what Blue wants to look for today."   
  
Then all the sudden Blue comes out from no where and puts a blue paw print on the screen.   
  
"Good Idea Blue! We'll play Blue's Clues to figure out Blue wants find!"   
  
Seto and Jounouchi stop making out with each other and watched Joe, Steve and Anzu dance to their crazy dance. After everyone goes to look for the first clue Seto walks outside and sees almost all of the grass covered in blue pawprints.   
  
"A clue! A clue!" Seto calls out getting bored and really didn't want to be playing today, they played every single day, and everyday went looking for clues.   
  
Joe and Anzu rushed over and Joe said "You found our first clue! It looks like…..green stuff!"   
  
"It's grass you idiot! GRAAAAASSSS!!!!" Seto yelled at Joe and then wondered why Steve wasn't there, but then he turned around and he knew why. It turns out Steve was pinching Yami who was trying to make out with Yuugi and fighting a urge to beat Steve up.   
  
"We need our handy-dandy notebook!" He takes his notebook out and draws the grass. "Okay, we need two more clues!"   
  
Everyone continues to look for next clue and Jounouchi and Seto are finally alone for a couple of minutes and start to make out again.   
  
"Come on, we need to look for the next clue!" Steve says dragging Seto and Jounouchi apart.   
  
But they keep walking around the house and Jounouchi passes the refrigerator and sees magnet in the shape of a 4 and it has a blue paw print on it and Steve rushes over and says "You found the second clue! We need our handy-dandy TV!"   
  
"Er…….don't you mean notebook" Jounouchi said to Steve as he started to draw it on the TV but then drew it in the notebook when he was done.   
  
"Okay, so we need one more clue!" Jounouchi gets sick and tired of hearing Blue's Clues so he goes outside an lies down on the grass and he sees a clover a three leaf clover to be exact.   
  
"Oh, no……." Jounouchi groaned as Joe rushed over and he said "We found the last clue! It's a clover!!! Now, we need our handy-dandy……."   
  
"Notebook!" The kids shouted   
  
"That's right our handy-dandy notebook!" He takes out his notebook and draws the clover. "Now we need to sit in our thinking chair."   
  
Joe rushes over to the chair and Steve and Anzu gather around it. "So, what does Blue want to find with grass, 4, and a clover?"   
  
"What about a computer?" Anzu guessed   
  
"Or a VCR?" Steve guessed.   
  
"OR SOME BRAINS FOR THE THREE OF YOU!" Bakura guessed but being cruel on the way.   
  
"A four leaf clover!" The kids shouted   
  
"That's right! A four leaf clover! We just figured out Blue's Clues!"   
  
Seto watched them do another dance, it was pathetic but they worked with it and later Blue went outside and started to gather four leaf clovers while everyone helped…except Steve, who was pinching everyone that wasn't wearing green.   
  
"Will you just leave us alone?!?! I've been TRYING to make out with my aibou all day! Now, will you just leave us alone?!!!" Yami yelled at Steve but….   
  
"No." Steve said instantly and kept pinching Yami while Yami strangled Steve.   
  
"Aw, isn't that cute? They're the best of friends!" Anzu said going over and giving them a hug and Yami said "We are NOT friends."   
  
"Then why did I have this video of you making out with him?" Everyone went in the living room and Anzu put the video in. It was Steve making out (or trying) with a paperboard version of Yami. Everyone knows it's not Yami and Yami is relieved, so is Yuugi.   
  
"Okay, who did this?!!!"   
  
Everyone pointed at Joe and Steve and Yami started to beat up Joe and Yuugi beat up Steve. Everyone cheered Yuugi and Yami on. Afterwards Seto and Jounouchi got ready for bed and made out passionately while Bakura and Malik, Yami and Yuugi did the same. And it was the end of that horrible day. 


End file.
